I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
