Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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