After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
