make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
