my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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