I think my vagina is haunted
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
