So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
