I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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