I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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