Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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