Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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