Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
