My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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