Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
