So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
