He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
