I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
