I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
