that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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