Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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