Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
