It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
