marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
