I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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