Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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