i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
