sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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