I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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