She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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