dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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