i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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