But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
