I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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