Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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