Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
