Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
