Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
