How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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