I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
