Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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