my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
