That's intense
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
