Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
