Cold hands, warm shart.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
