Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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