Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
