Too much gin, very little bucket
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
