tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize