Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
