Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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