just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
