I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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