just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
