Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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