uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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