When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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