You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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