She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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